motherless children

You know the first thing that comes to mind when you think about the family problems of black youth today is fatherless childhoods. I had a revelation yesterday when I realized a large group of my students are motherless instead. My supervisor asked me the other day I'd I thought my teaching background helped me connect with students... I think it has more to do with the fact that I have always been extremely maternal. I'm always the "mom" of my group of friends, or in student groups I participated in. This only intensified when my dad died in high school and I basically became the other mom our house. I was talking to some of my kids on tuesday about why they never make it to school on time and how it's really hurting their academic career. One sister shared with me up until this year she had always ben early because her mom woke her up and dropped her off. I already knew these two sisters had list their mom this year. As of yesterday I call these girls who now live in separate homes to wake them up every morning. Hearing their half sleep yet happy voices this morning made me think maybe I connect with a bunch of my kids because I fill a part of that mom void. Many of the kids cal me their play sister or their auntie already. I honestly don't know...but it's a thought.

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The Haze Is Clearing

Upon reflection this was a decent week of training.

People wise, I feel a little secure in my school team, my unending affection for my IJ team will never cease, and I now find myself feeling pretty cool with a few individuals who have no team ties to me so that's wonderful news. In addition, I feel like the staff has warmed up as well so interactions aren't so awkward anymore so that's nice.

Session wise, as the week progressed the rotations and presentations got better and better. I can truly say I'm not such a big fan of powerpoint anymore and I will strongly consider other alternatives whenever I have to give presentations in the future. But I digress, I really enjoyed our math and reading sessions, although, honestly I did know about half of the information (sometimes more in-depth than the presenter) but I also learned a lot. Not only that, it allowed me to see what my team knew and was good at, as well as the flip side. I watch people, so even when I felt like material was repetitive to me, it was obvious when others had never heard/thought/understood things we were talking about, so I know to keep that in mind.

Other than that, I'm just happy because we finally visit schools next week. I just want to know my teacher and finally meet them. That's the big thing for me. It will be extra important when working with my kids, for my coordinator role, and for my sanity. It'll hopefully be a partnership and hopefully a break from the constant TEAM TEAM TEAM mentality which I think drains me.

-Counting Down

Daddy's Day and Am I Closed Off?

After class tonight I went to go spend some much needed bonded time with my sissy. Ya know, it amazes me how many people don't know what play sisters and play moms are. One of my co-workers asked me what I meant when I was talking about my play mom this morning. I think people who don't have play families miss out on something...It Takes A Village, right? I think so.

Anyhoo, while we were cooking she asked me about my dad since I never talk about him. I appreciated the fact that she asked and noticed I don't talk about him. I just know people never know what to say and I never know what to say to them so I just leave it alone. It's weird. What's really weird was this weekend I was at my ship's house with her family and I realized that morning it was the first time I was around a family on Father's Day that celebrated it since 9th grade. It was weird, kinda made me sad, but I swear to the big guy up top he alwayz comes at the right time.

On the drive home it was so weird, I just kept seeing things that reminded me of how my family used to be, I was driving like our old family trips, behind a car from Shelby county TN, listening to a classic rock station and every song that came on during a 30 minute period was on one of my dad's old mixed tapes my mom had made him that he used to play all the time. It really cheered me up.

But I digress. So my sissy asked me about my dad and I told her the whole story. She said every time we hang out she learns something new about me. I consider myself pretty open but I'm really not. I wonder how many people notice that. Is that a bad thing? Am I so closed off that my friends really don't know me? I wonder...


It's whatever. Such is life. Happy Daddy's Day Dad. Miss you.

Emotional rollercoaster

That adequately describes this past week, and my current mindset. Generally I'm the one who's happy and can remain positive and laugh everything off. This week things are different...and everything's about to change...and I strongly dislike big changes.

Recap of the week: my tre left after getting married, financial disfunction in the family, mom and sam came to visit and although I didn't tell them I think at least mom knew this might be the only time I see them this year, boy issues, friend issues, I GRADUATED, my friends left.

I miss my best friends from home, I miss my best friends from school, I'm broke, I'm watching To Kill A Mockingbird and Tom Robinson just died...

But I have a job for the summer and next year, my family came to my graduation, Paris and I are planning a trip to Vegas next summer, and summertime in St. Louis always is fun

I don't know how I feel right now
=/

GRADUATION IS HERE

BSA Graduation was this evening... It started off with a few hitches but turned out wonderfully. I think I'm legit freaking out now about everyone leaving. =( I LOVE CLASS X!!! I can't imagine attending a different college with a different bunch of crazies ::tear::

Am I Clingy?

I don't think I'm clingy. I just think I should see/talk to/or communicate in some way with the people that are important in my life on a regular basis and...YES...I do get upset when we don't. But I don't think thats clingy...or at least I hope it's not. Oh well. Such is life. #keepitmoving (yes, i also talk in tweets/hashtags/trending topics.... now #itsaproblem)

Waking up late. Feeling great.

I just thought the world should know I feel quite wonderful. It's great to have mentees that become your real friends (cough Shay cough), and who are talented and help you with your hair. It's wonderful to meet knew people and just talk. I honestly had one of the best conversations I've had with a guy ever last night and we talked about the most random things in the world. It was wonderful. I also am COMPLETELY DONE with my undergraduate career so I got to sleep until I woke up which would have been about 10 minutes ago. Yup. Life is good.

QOTD

My LifeLine is what keeps my heart pumping and my mind focused.. My attitude is Contagiouz so move or catch it.

Lent and Easter Reflections

The season of Lent has come to an end with the celebration of Jesus' Resurrection Day, also known as Easter. My sentiments toward this time of year have changed over the years and it has become one of my favorite celebrations which I find to be largely overlooked as a time for celebrating. It's quite sad.

For one, Jesus gave up so much for people, it's amazing how they wouldn't find it necessary to give up something for only about a month each year for him. This year I gave up potatoes, which although I realize sounds trivial however for me it was a big deal. French fries, baked potatoes, mashed potatoes, sweet potato fries, sweet potato chips are big comfort foods for me. I can honestly say I eat potatoes at least once a day solely because I enjoy the taste and I want them, so it took a lot of self control and monitoring not to eat them. I also originally said I would give up swearing which I failed miserably at...which honestly is just an excuse. So if at first you don't succeed try try again. I will try not to swear for the rest of this year. Honestly.
If you've actually taken the time to read all of this, please feel free to try and keep me accountable.

With regard to Easter, the actual day. It was fabulous. I spent my morning and most of my afternoon with my ace/captain/twin. She picked me up in the morning and we went to her church and heard the good word. It always makes me uncomfortable to hear the crucifixion story because its so graphic. However, I feel like it needs to be told, and often, so people can really understand all that was done for them.

After Church, we had a meal with her congregation, then she took car-less me around to pick up food for my friends at school. Which would not have occurred without her lol.
After that, I had the annual dinner with my WashU family which went well. I ended the day with TRiO honors and awards, where for some reason I was named role model of the year. Who knew I was a role model? I really don't think I am. I honestly think I am constantly just trying to make sure that I amdoing my best and trying to help others do theirs. I am not amazing, there are SO many out their who are my role models, but it was wonderful to know that someone felt me worthwhile to try and be like. My Easter ended with belly dance rehearsal where we fixed our costumes. It was wonderful. It allowed me to end the day laughing with the rest of the dancers.

Overall: Easter + Lent = A+