Friendship Makes the World Go 'Round

Last night I hung out with some co-workers outside of work for the first time. We celebrated a birthday by shopping, eating, and bowling downtown. I had a blast and I'm so happy to finally feel like I have some friends at my job.

Ratchet vs. Getting Yours

It's no secret I'm usually the "mom" of my friends. I'm am by no means a prude or naive. I'm legit fun and about as open as they come, and I'm not just saying that. However, I do believe in public appearances because regardless of what you do and who you are SOMEONE is going to talk about you.

I wholeheartedly believe that the opinions of insignificant trifes have about your life do not matter and should not be used against you in anyway, nor should you feel bad about what anyone thinks about you. If you like you then keep doing you. Point. Blank. Period. End of story.

However, unfortunately the things people say and do in response to how the view you can and will affect the opportunities you're given each day and the days that follow.

As such, yes, I do believe you should carry yourself in a respectable manner at all times.
Yes, I do only want to be associated with people who carry themselves in a manner that I find becoming.
Yes, I will get upset and call you out on your actions or lack thereof if I consider you a true friend.
Yes.

So here's my PSA for the day "I do not associate with ratchets."
You can get yours.
You can have fun.
Do you boo. I encourage you too.
But once you cross that line...I do not want to be associated with that side of you.
Like real talk.

That's me. If you didn't know this now you do. If you don't respect this then maybe we shouldn't be friends.
I like friends. I don't need them.
Harsh but true.
Yep .

The end.

Daddy's Day and Am I Closed Off?

After class tonight I went to go spend some much needed bonded time with my sissy. Ya know, it amazes me how many people don't know what play sisters and play moms are. One of my co-workers asked me what I meant when I was talking about my play mom this morning. I think people who don't have play families miss out on something...It Takes A Village, right? I think so.

Anyhoo, while we were cooking she asked me about my dad since I never talk about him. I appreciated the fact that she asked and noticed I don't talk about him. I just know people never know what to say and I never know what to say to them so I just leave it alone. It's weird. What's really weird was this weekend I was at my ship's house with her family and I realized that morning it was the first time I was around a family on Father's Day that celebrated it since 9th grade. It was weird, kinda made me sad, but I swear to the big guy up top he alwayz comes at the right time.

On the drive home it was so weird, I just kept seeing things that reminded me of how my family used to be, I was driving like our old family trips, behind a car from Shelby county TN, listening to a classic rock station and every song that came on during a 30 minute period was on one of my dad's old mixed tapes my mom had made him that he used to play all the time. It really cheered me up.

But I digress. So my sissy asked me about my dad and I told her the whole story. She said every time we hang out she learns something new about me. I consider myself pretty open but I'm really not. I wonder how many people notice that. Is that a bad thing? Am I so closed off that my friends really don't know me? I wonder...


It's whatever. Such is life. Happy Daddy's Day Dad. Miss you.

Emotional rollercoaster

That adequately describes this past week, and my current mindset. Generally I'm the one who's happy and can remain positive and laugh everything off. This week things are different...and everything's about to change...and I strongly dislike big changes.

Recap of the week: my tre left after getting married, financial disfunction in the family, mom and sam came to visit and although I didn't tell them I think at least mom knew this might be the only time I see them this year, boy issues, friend issues, I GRADUATED, my friends left.

I miss my best friends from home, I miss my best friends from school, I'm broke, I'm watching To Kill A Mockingbird and Tom Robinson just died...

But I have a job for the summer and next year, my family came to my graduation, Paris and I are planning a trip to Vegas next summer, and summertime in St. Louis always is fun

I don't know how I feel right now
=/

Things I Love

- the color purple (actual color, book, and movie)
- great late night conversations about anything and everything
- wonderful music
- food
- friends
- attention and compliments
- babies
- success
- helping others succeed
- feeling wonderful
- help
- hair advice

I'm happy to say I've had the pleasure of experiencing all these things in the past 48 hours. Pretty wonderful right?

Friendships

It's funny how things work out. I cannot explain the dynamics of my relationships with my friends. I've been trying hard to focus on developing them this semester so that when I leave college I won't be left virtually alone besides 1 or 2 friends like in high school...but we'll see.

One-sided relationships, relationships where people can't be open all the time, relationships where people are excluded from plans,..don't work well with me. I strongly dislike them.

I've always been the type of person who hangs with different groups of people. Oftentimes my friends from different circles don't get along...but I don't care. I feel like if you love and respect me enough you can handle being around each other and doing things together. However, I can understand the idea that people shouldn't have to put up with people they don't like. But how do you balance that?

I tried this semester and I think it may have damaged some friendships, but it is what it is. I can't change the past. But I'm really going to miss all my friends after graduation. I wish we had a whole year without classes just to hang out. I'm not ready to go out and make new friends all over again. I like the ones I have.

Some Biblical Verses That Helped Me Get Through Today

I took today for myself. It was wonderful. I will return to the chipper smiles and encouraging of all those around me tomorrow. It was a wonderful vacation. These bible verses and Maria de Zayas "El Jardin Enganaso" made my day.



1 John 3:16
This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.

1 John 3:18
Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.

Proverbs 17:9
Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends.

Proverbs 17:17
A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

Proverbs 30:18-19
There are three things that amaze me—
no, four things that I don’t understand:
how an eagle glides through the sky,
how a snake slithers on a rock,
how a ship navigates the ocean,
how a man loves a woman.

John 15:13
Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

1 Corinthians 13:1-8a and 13
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails....And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.


Peter 4:8
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.




SO LOVE STRONG. FOR LOVE CONQUERS ALL AND CAN MEND ALL PROBLEMS. I BELIEVE IT. I SPEAK THIS TRUTH INTO EXISTENCE IF IT WAS NOT TRUE ALREADY.

WOW I'm Behind / Let me vent for a moment

Yeah I just realized how I completely stopped posting on here. That's ridiculous. Agh. Oh well. I will catch the world up on what's been going on in my life later, as I need to finish this reading for class. However, before I do I need to vent for a moment.

Disrespect is unacceptable, and in my eyes becoming more unforgivable as the days pass. It is amazing to me how much I can count on my ship for support, friendship, and understanding, and the people who have been my friends for years can be so completely wishy washy. Not that I wouldn't expect my ship to be there for me, but lets be honest, I've really only known most of them for 1 year, a fantastic year that's been the best of my life so far, but its only been 1.

I've always thought it was horrible when people joined sororities and frats and completely ditched their friends. An unpleasant experience I unfortunatly went through with some of my friends. As such, I work really hard to make sure I spend time with all of my friends, greek or not. Sadly, they apparently don't put me up on the same level as I put them, because they find it acceptable to completely leave you hanging...on multiple occasions, ditch you, or completely exclude you.

Ugh.
Ok I'm done.
I feel much better.

It just blows my mind how even my mentees, who are also my friends, but they have known me for less time as well, can even be more supportive.

Like, come on.

Ok. Back to the smiley face. I will be taking some me time though this week. Also, my baby sister is coming so that will make my week.

HAVE A MARVELOUS MONDAY

In appreciation of a true friend...

I am so very appreciative of the true friends I have in my life.

It really makes my day, week, life, to know that I have people that legit care about my life, want and actively seek to find out more about me. I am also happy to have a fervent belief that our friendship will continue to grow and remain strong over the years...because what's life without friends?

I just had a little chat with one of my best friends about a very traumatic and stressful time in my life. I have shared the whole story with very few people, and only two people have every taken the initiative to ask me about it themselves. Thanks. Like real talk.

I only hope I am as good a friend to you as you are to me. Because slacking friendships are yet another epidemic on the rise.

Tonight's noted epidemics:
Snitching
Annoying little sisters
Slacking friendships


Dear World,
I know it's a recession and times are hard, but get it together. These trends/epidemics are not cool.
Heart,
PJ

I've level my friends in my brain. Although it sounds bad. It's actually a good thing.

I've been doing a lot of reflecting lately. Partly because I'm dealing with a lot of issues within my circle of friends and partly because I'm freaking out worrying about life after May 21. Either way, I'm very happy for the very few friends I have. Recent events have really helped me see. It's so interesting how many different levels the people you call your friends can fall in. Not that you want to classify your friends, but I think its smart to know who 's who.

At the top, I have my friends I can trust with everything. Everything. These are rare. I know I'm a pretty reserved person with regard to my own issues and problems but I know that L, W, and K are there. We have disagreements, but we get over them. And it's a give and take relationship where I listen to them just like they listen to me. I'm SO appreciative of the fact these people are in my life and I think I might not show it enough so I'm going to work on that.

The next level of friends are really really good friends as well. I think that's where the majority of people everyone thinks are my best friends or in my clique fall. This is not to say I don't trust these people. However, they aren't as open as my friends at the top with sharing, or I need to censor or not discuss certain topics around them because of their reactions and actions after hearing it. OR these people get along with me really well and we kick it on the regular, but we don't really talk.

It's just interesting to think about.

Anyhoo enough babbling

it's our anniverZary...

Smile on my face.
Joy in my heart.
That's how every day should start.

Today's like that.
Blue skies white stars.
I don't need money.
Or fancy cars.

Cuz we've got us.
I don't care about me.
Cuz WE are all that matters.
Don't you see?

So we celebrate today!
"Why?" You ask we.
Because...

It's our anniverZary!!!!

I love Z.S. Lifeline!

I call her babycakes. Her real name is Shay.

So I told my kid, mentee, friend, that girl named babycakes, Shay that I would dedicate a post to her. So.... here it is. =)

She also requested free advertising for her blog. So check it out. http://purplechocolatehearts.blogspot.com

I love my frat!

I would just like to take this time to tell the world how much I love my frat. I have ALWAYS wanted a brother. Ask my mom. ALWAYS. And now I do.

It's not on some "oh those are our frat brothers lets make sure we show up at their party" type deal. They are my real brothers. They talk to me about their girl issues, tell me to much information about the ratchetness they get into, and kick it on a regular basis. The best part is I know they always got my back, and they know I always got theirs.

Special shoutouts to my Bff that wanna be 5. I love you! He's always their to make me laugh, and although he's a bit OVER protective, he surely makes sure no one messes with me.

ZETA PHI BETA SIGMA. A bond often imitated. But NEVER duplicated.

Pride and Joy

After that venting session I need something to uplift my mood. In order to do so, I've decided to share with you a few bits of information that have made me very proud of my family and friends and given me some joy.

- My baby sister is a G. She went to a math competition a few weeks ago, and was the only person on the middle school team that took the time to show up to the competition. She did ok in the individual competition, and under the influence of our high school math teacher she entered the team competition alone. The superstar 7th grader placed 5th out of 30 teams alone. SHE IS SUCH A BALLER.

- My little sister whom I don't have the best relationship with is also doing big things. Although we attend the same school we don't really talk...but whether she knows it or not, I check up on her. She's doing AMAZING in her classes, doesn't give in to peer pressure and just does her.

- My best friend/sister is loving/living her life. She's in school. She has kept her jobs and been raking in the money.AND she just got a new job. She's kept up her working out as well and looks amazing. She's legit one of my role models.

- My twin has been through so much this year but she still has the most amazing outlook on life. She's excited for the future, enjoying life, forgetting the bs around her, working like crazy (this chick has 3 jobs).

- My tre has found love. Like for real. I'm so happy for her. She's doing things, got these fly internships, in school, and working.

-Crazy Kelis! I love her. Until I met her I didn't know how much someone could really care about their friends. She has the biggest heart out of everyone I know and I'm so proud of how much she's changed and grown since we first met. The way she's handled tough situations that were brought to her this week show just how mature she is.

- No one has anything on my Pair. She's only a junior already working on multiple clients' accounts in an accounting firm, while still in school, while still managing to have time for a life, and being away from her family.

- Lifeline, ma, aunties. Love them. I know I don't call like I should. But I love them all just the same.

- Roomie. There is no other. My Roomie will always be better than yours. She's gonna be a doctor. She took initiative to come to dance rehearsal for a routine she wasn't in just for fun and exercise. I've always wanted to do that but never had the courage.

- Ugie. Chick is about her work. I've never seen anyone study on such a constant basis as this girl!

- Woahdie. Love this girl. She's my fitness role model.

- All my friends that got RA positions I'm SO excited and proud of ya'll too.

- BankRhea came to visit and it made my week seeing her. I miss her and many of the WashU grads.

Ok. Tired of typing. Those are just a few of the things that bring me joy/ have made me happy this week and on a constant basis.

What Makes a Real Friend?

You know that song... Make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the others gold?

When I was little I thought it meant that new friends are better than old friends. Clearly I know now that that is not necessarily true. Later I took it to mean that some friends are better than others, the better ones being the gold. Over the years, I've learned that many of my friends prefer silver over gold (with regards to jewlrey) so I wonder if I was confused about which was best all along.

Recently, I've been struggling a lot with some of my relationships with people who I have considered my friends for the last couple years. In reflecting about it and discussing this issue with the limited people who have been there over the years, I have come to the discovery that I really don't know who is my friend. I've come to the conclusion that I have some very very good people in my life, but I don't know if they all are my friends. This scares and saddens me.

I feel like is a friend is someone who you confide and they confide in you. Most of my relationships are very one sided. I don't know how this happened or how to fix this. In addition, it amazes me how much people who I haven't been close with until fairly recently, will support me, and come to me for support, and of course just to be silly...where those people who I considered myself close with, share information with each other, or people I don't hang out with, but get upset when they don't know what's going on in my life. Or now they act funny because I've ceased being excited when I see them, because...I'm not. Why should I make people feel good, because I'm happy to see them, and they rarely if ever do that for me?

This is not to say, I'm not excited when I see them. But I've decided to work on me, and being happy, and being alert. So why expend energy I could use to better myself on people who don't really value me?

I'm done wasting my time on disrespectful, fairweather, people.

Done.

Forever, forever, you'll stay in my heart

So my friends and I were talking about about boys and relationships with one of their moms. It is February so these types of conversations all though typical of us...have been happening a lot more frequently. We discussed the following questions:

Would we approach a guy if we liked him?
Why wouldn't we...are we afraid of rejection or just shy around guys?

Being that we are all Christian we all believe in the word of the Lord and the bible says in Proverbs 18:22 "Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD." I want so much to find love and that man who will be my best friend, lover, and companion... but I'm not going to lie, I want him to be the pursuer. Yes, I know that's sexist and old fashioned as well but it's what I want.

However, we realized and discussed: Why should a man/boy/guy work to find a woman when the easiness of a large percentage of girls emanates from their person which the male species picks up on? Guys know their will always be some floozy around the corner so why pursue someone?

I honestly have no idea why a guy would want to go through all that work...but I want him to.
I'm watching My Best Friends Wedding with Chellikins and it's making me really sad.

I await the day when I can sing song about someone I know.

The moment I wake up
Before I put on my makeup
I say a little prayer for you
While combing my hair, now,
And wondering what dress to wear, now,
I say a little prayer for you

Forever, forever, you'll stay in my heart
and I will love you
Forever, forever, we never will part
Oh, how I'll love you
Together, together, that's how it must be
To live without you
Would only be heartbreak for me.

I run for the bus, dear,
While riding I think of us, dear,
I say a little prayer for you.
At work I just take time
And all through my coffee break-time,
I say a little prayer for you.

Forever, forever, you'll stay in my heart
and I will love you
Forever, forever we never will part
Oh, how I'll love you
Together, together, that's how it must be
To live without you
Would only be heartbreak for me.

My darling believe me,
For me there is no one
But you.

2:11 am thoughts on 2/11

Individualism is really important to me. Talking with friends and students about their backgrounds and experiences has always interested me. I love learning about others and sharing about myself. I think a true testament to a friendship is really understanding your own identity or striving to do so...while at the same time learning about friends identities and encouraging them to continue their self discovering and self-discovery.

This is my last semester of senior year. It's a celebration...but it's also about discovery. I've already had so many new experiences in the last year and I'm looking forward to so many more.

I was already determined to know more about my own family heritage starting this year, but one of my friends determination and success at bettering her self has inspired me to really work on knowing myself, and working on me this year.

It might sound selfish, but it's necessary.
So watch out world.
Here goes nothing.