Thoughts and Prayers for the KS Chapter of DST and Thoughts About the Situation

ord be with your children and may your presence be a comfort so strong that faith is restored. Amen.. This prayer is extented to the girls and their families.

I copied this from my deuce's Facebook status after I told her about the girls from E. Carolina University. 4 ladies were in a serious car accident yesterday. As of now two have passed away and the other two are in critical condition. These ladies were supposed to probate and tell the world they are new members of Delta Sigma Theta later yesterday evening. They never made it.

Things like this make you wonder. They make you sad.

I get upset just thinking about the "What-if's".


What if I never joined the Greatest Sorority on Earth, Zeta Phi Beta, Sorority, Incorporated?
What if this was my ship and I?
What if this was my ship and I?
What if this was my ship and I?
What if this was my ship and I?
What if this was my ship and I?

Car accident? My sisters? My line sisters?
Dead?

Yeah.
No.

I can cry just from that.

My Lifeline keepz my heart beating. My attitude is Contagiouz. - PM
We are STRONG women. -Mi Madre

Update UPdate

I've been horrible for the last month.

My apologies.

I'm back.

Full force.

Here it goes.

The kids. Make my day.

Even the bad days. With my kids. I'm good.

Grown-ups are another story.

But it's cool.

My City Year.

Is my year.

You'd be amazed at what's happened so far?

We weren't in school last friday.

On Monday "Ms. ____ Where were you?! I needed you."

On Tuesday "Psst. Ms. ___ Come here!" "I saw!" (his A)

On Monday...filling out surveys about 2nd quarter goals "What is the best part about class?" "Ms. _____ I love her. She explains it all. She's why I made it through last quarter and did so well. I love her and city year"

Today "Can I stay with you for lunch?" "How come you don't come get me to do my work?" "Can I come do my homework with you during seminar/lunch?"

Like I said before.

I love my kids.

Padre Nuestro

Padre nuestro, que estás en el cielo,

santificado sea tu Nombre;

venga a nosotros tu reino;

hágase tu voluntad en la tierra como en el cielo.

Danos hoy nuestro pan de cada día;

perdona nuestras ofensas,

como también nosotros perdonamos a los que nos ofenden;

no nos dejes caer en la tentación, y líbranos del mal.

Amén.

Red Coat Ceremony Day

Today was Red Coat Ceremony. I was skeptical at first but it was really cool. Each corps member went up with their team and said who/what they're dedicating their red City Year bombers too. It was really touching. I dedicated mine to my mom, my sisters, and the obstacles in life. BAM.

First Public PT Day - Daily Plaza

I can't even lie...this morning was a ton of fun!
I love being on PT Crew and CY Chi Rocked PT this morning!

CHECK US OUT!
http://www.youtube.com/user/cityyear#p/u

Long Day and PT Crew!

Today:
Two long sessions
*Continued literacy training... I very much enjoyed the sections on reader's theatre and using music in the classroom because those are two activities I personally enjoy and had great success with during my student teach experience
*Social Emotiona Learning - clearly a big component of education

Oh yeah...I MADE PT CREW TOO! YAY!
CY Chi Town better get ready because with T-Time & I on crew things are going to be ridiculous

Friendship Makes the World Go 'Round

Last night I hung out with some co-workers outside of work for the first time. We celebrated a birthday by shopping, eating, and bowling downtown. I had a blast and I'm so happy to finally feel like I have some friends at my job.

John 3:1-17 ??? "The Pursuit of Happiness"

I love it when bible verses and passages are just thrown at me. I logged on to Facebook and my Ma was talking about how her pastor discussed the "Pursuit of Happiness" along with John 3:1-17. I found the passage and read it, but I'm not sure how it relates with my pursuit of happiness other than believing in the word of the Lord and aligning my thoughts and actions with the purpose of getting into heaven. So, I thought I'd share. If you think of anything, let me know.

John 3:1-17 (New International Version)

John 3
Jesus Teaches Nicodemus
1Now there was a man of the Pharisees named Nicodemus, a member of the Jewish ruling council. 2He came to Jesus at night and said, "Rabbi, we know you are a teacher who has come from God. For no one could perform the miraculous signs you are doing if God were not with him."

3In reply Jesus declared, "I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again.[a]"

4"How can a man be born when he is old?" Nicodemus asked. "Surely he cannot enter a second time into his mother's womb to be born!"

5Jesus answered, "I tell you the truth, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless he is born of water and the Spirit. 6Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit[b] gives birth to spirit. 7You should not be surprised at my saying, 'You[c] must be born again.' 8The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit."

9"How can this be?" Nicodemus asked.

10"You are Israel's teacher," said Jesus, "and do you not understand these things? 11I tell you the truth, we speak of what we know, and we testify to what we have seen, but still you people do not accept our testimony. 12I have spoken to you of earthly things and you do not believe; how then will you believe if I speak of heavenly things? 13No one has ever gone into heaven except the one who came from heaven—the Son of Man.[d] 14Just as Moses lifted up the snake in the desert, so the Son of Man must be lifted up, 15that everyone who believes in him may have eternal life.[e]

16"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son,[f] that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John+3%3A1-17&version=NIV

A Verse For You - It should be easy to love.

God has poured out his love into our hearts.
- Romans 5:5


That's big. People should easily be able to love one another if they have God's love inside them. Just a thought.

The Haze Is Clearing

Upon reflection this was a decent week of training.

People wise, I feel a little secure in my school team, my unending affection for my IJ team will never cease, and I now find myself feeling pretty cool with a few individuals who have no team ties to me so that's wonderful news. In addition, I feel like the staff has warmed up as well so interactions aren't so awkward anymore so that's nice.

Session wise, as the week progressed the rotations and presentations got better and better. I can truly say I'm not such a big fan of powerpoint anymore and I will strongly consider other alternatives whenever I have to give presentations in the future. But I digress, I really enjoyed our math and reading sessions, although, honestly I did know about half of the information (sometimes more in-depth than the presenter) but I also learned a lot. Not only that, it allowed me to see what my team knew and was good at, as well as the flip side. I watch people, so even when I felt like material was repetitive to me, it was obvious when others had never heard/thought/understood things we were talking about, so I know to keep that in mind.

Other than that, I'm just happy because we finally visit schools next week. I just want to know my teacher and finally meet them. That's the big thing for me. It will be extra important when working with my kids, for my coordinator role, and for my sanity. It'll hopefully be a partnership and hopefully a break from the constant TEAM TEAM TEAM mentality which I think drains me.

-Counting Down

Lecture. Lecture. Lecture.

Lecture.
Powerpoint.
Qs & Ls.
Rotations.
Pair & Share.
Repetition.
Knowledge.
Commiseration.
Close-minded individuals.
Confrontation.
Learning.
Openness.
Collaboration.
Such is training so far.

BTA continues.

Just for Today

Lord, for tomorrow and its needs,
I do not pray;
Keep me, my God, from stain of sin
Just for today.

Let me both diligently work,
And duly pray.
Let me be kind in word and deed,
Just for today.

Let me be slow to do my will,
Prompt to obey;
Help me to sacrifice myself
Just for today.

And if today my tide of life
Should ebb away,
Give me thy Sacraments divine,
Sweet Lord today.

So for tomorrow and its needs
I do not pray,
But keep me, guide me, love me, Lord,
Just for today.

- Sy bil F. Partridge

http://www.beliefnet.com/Faiths/Prayer/index.aspx

Branding

Branding.
It's important for any organization.

I love that the golden arches mean McDonald's.
I love that the Nike check means running shoes.

I know what the City Year logo means to me...but what does it mean to others?

Today was all about how to sell ourselves and City Year.
I have very mixed feelings about it.
I understand the importance of it, but I felt like they were trying to brainwash me and tell me what to say and I'm not cool with that. Luckily, I'm me, and I will still answer questions and conduct business in my own individual style regardless of how any organization tries to shape me. However, I did learn a lot of new and valuable information about the corps and its history today.

Welp.
Goodnight.

P.S. I just made FB groups for my IJ and school based teams. #yeahbuddy

Bible Verse for Today - September 12

The Lord is good. His love endures forever, his faithfulness continues through all generations.
- Psalms 100:5

CTA Service Day #1 - Mexican Independence Day Parade

¡Viva Mexico!

I won rock paper scissors and got to ride on the mini bus in the parade. Lots of smiles and waves as we shouted ¡Viva Mexico! to the crowds. Easy hilarious and fun...especially for a service project. That about sums it up.

Bridge Builders = Rocket Power

I'm already slipping on my posts...but I was sick. Although excues are never acceptable. Anyhoo thus far, City Year has been cool, we really haven't done anything though. Thus far, its been training, scavenger hunt, traing, camp. I have met some cool people and I found out I'll be working at Austin Business and Entrepreneurial Academy High School. I ADORE my IJ team and I'm so thankful to have them as a support system. Bridge Builders!

9/1/2010

Switching things up...
A short bible verse to ponder today.

Ezekiel 20:19
I am the LORD your God; walk in my statutes, and keep my judgments, and do them;

Opening Day

Today was opening day...finally! Waiting for everything to start has been truly irking me. I was pleasantly surprised to find out our opening service day would be spent beautifying a school. It was like Service First, if you're from WashU, so I knew what the deal was.  For my journey team, I'm in the bridge builder's groups. I'm not going to lie, I'm highly skeptical of a year of group work...luckily this group is really cool. I just. Hope I get along with my school team just as well. Anyhoo...I paintedg this mural today then finished painting a classroom and setting up the desks. I honestly don't feel like I did much compared to other service projects. However we definitely make the school look better and no matter how small I made a difference so I'd still count the day as a win. I am extra sore from walking everywhere and having a personal fitness session at the gym yesterday so that's enough reflection for today. -#imout

8/31/2010

Prayer of the Day:

The Lord's Prayer

Our Father, Who art in heaven,
Hallowed be Thy Name.
Thy Kingdom come.
Thy Will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil. Amen

Clearly this is a very well known prayer. However, I think it's especially important to me since my dad is in heaven, with God. Its's pretty cool.

No Work Today & A Failed Attempt at Food Stamps

So...
In case you didn't know, if you decided to do an AmeriCorps program your stipend is very minimal. Everyone in CY has told me to get on food stamps. So like the pro-active person I am I did an application, printed it off and got on the bus to arrive at the financial services office 30 minutes before they opened so I could be in an out.

Little did I know, Obama just passed another stimulus and in Chicago you can get food stamps this week pretty much so long as you have a job and live in Chicago. So I arrived to find people who had been there since 5 am even though the office doesn't open until 8. The line stretched two buildings down, one block back, and two blocks wrapping around the back of the two buildings. It was ridiculous! I left and came back later to find a much shorter line, however, like the previous line this one was also about 5 people wide.

In the end I never got through, people were passing out, they started fighting at the front door. There were cops, ambulances, and fire trucks every where and around 3 news reporters had shown up. They ended up passing out papers to the next 400 people in line and everyone after them was given a ticket (including me) and asked to come back the next day. Unfortunately tomorrow is Opening Day so I'll be at work. So, I have to fill out the application online and wait a month-a month and a half to get my food stamps. Ugh. Oh well, I guess this will help with my diet.

Welp. I'm going to hit the sack. It's 11:33 and I have to catch the bus by 6:50 in order to make it to opening day on time and I do believe in purrcizion and promptness!

Until tomorrow!

8/30/2010

Prayer of the Day:
Hail Mary

This is my favorite prayer!
I can't even explain it.
I'm pretty sure I've prayed it randomly throughout the day, every day since I committed it to memory sometime in middle school.

Hail Mary full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst children, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus.

Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.
AMEN.

Registration Day

Today. Today was unofficial day 1 also known as registration day.
From 9-12ish I filled out paperwork with a bunch of other people who didn't come to the first two registration days. It was monotonous and boring. Sadly I didn't really meet many people because everyone was bored and ready to leave once it ended. But it's cool. We were told that we needed to go get finger prints on our own at this place on the north side so when I got off the blue line there I meet a couple cy people so that was cool. So far I don't know how to feel...I want to know who's on my team, I want my supervisor, I want to know my school, I want a calendar. All this not knowing makes me feel very unprepared and nervous about the future. Welp, such is life. The good news is I'm here and it's almost the official start day...which by the way my official start day can't happen until Thursday instead of Wednesday for some reason. I have no idea. Apparently anyone who came to this registration day has to start a day later which is whatever.

Let the games begin.

REVAMPING

THIS BLOG IS CHANGING.
COMING SOON.
AS IN AS SOON AS I PICK A NEW LAYOUT...

This will now be dedicated to my daily work journal.
And a bible verse/prayer journal.

Don't be surprised...after work only Jesus can help.
Hilarious. Yet true.

Okie dokes. #herewego

Today's revelation...i'm about to enter the real world

by enter the real world i mean be grown up
by grown up i do not mean mature
i just mean my birthday is this month
and i will no longer be the fabulous 21 year old me
i will be a even more fabulous 22 year old me
but that's still scary

however

I LOVE MY BIRTHDAY
ITS MY FAVORITE HOLIDAY
I'M SO EXCITED

Disclaimer

Please do not read anything into the previous post. I'm only sad for about 30 minutes, which quickly turns to anger where I am now. I am not an angry person so I'll probably be back to being happy and living my life carefree by the morning.
Sincerely,
Me

my heart and soul

My heart and soul have fallen
I know not what to do
For the confusion you have caused me
Has caused me a revelation anew

I know who I am and who I want to be
I’m just not sure if the me that I am
Is as loving open and happy and free
So you see

My heart and soul have fallen
They were inflated perhaps too much
When you entered my life

Your kiss that first night erased so much stress and strife
I thank you for that.
I thank you.

Your words every day have tickled my soul
If you only knew the tirades of others who have tried their best to bruise the shriveled mess of what’s left.

Your touch the first week
A hug, a movement brushing passing me
Kept my heart on edge
I held my breath waiting for just on electrifying second of your touch
Your arm brushing past me
Grabbing me to move me as someone passed by

Your desires and actions that you’ve expressed to me however
Do not align
I try so hard to be that girl, that woman
The one, I want to be… with you

But you wont let me.

Why?

My heart and soul have fallen
I know not what to do
For the confusion you have caused me
Has caused me a revelation anew

I bend down and place my fallen heart back on it’s pedestal, on a star in the sky where its been for so long, and rightfully belongs
I place the shield I’ve used for years back up around it
It’s stronger now

I do not know what will come of you, me….we
We’ll see.

My heart and soul have fallen
I know not what to do
For the confusion you have caused me
Has caused me a revelation anew

no one likes a nice guy

No one likes a nice guy. Sometimes I think this is true. Sometimes I think it's not. I don't know. I feel like I always like nice guys. The problem is nice guys don't like nice girls. Oh well.

Jealousy

Random... but i find jealousy attractive. In moderation of course. I'm just saying though. Think about it. If you like someone, getting jealous makes sense right? Right?
Also... I don't know if I spelled jealousy right... but if I did... it's:
jea - lousy
That could contradict the aforementioned statement because if it contains "lousy" in its name it's probably not a good thing.

Favorite Lines of Today

I'm trained to kill but with women I'm trained to respect.

"I'm not that kind of teacher." "Well you already gave me an order."

"Teacher." "Soldier."

creative freedom vs. giving freedom....what's better? hmmm

yup. today was a good day.

Random Facts About Me

1) If my ship thinks your lame. You automatically lose cool points and you have to do a lot to earn them.

2)I love my baby sister so much. I am her other mother in all honestly so don't be surprised by the mother-daughter-esk conversations we have.

3)I miss my roommates. A lot. I don't want to make other friends. They were enough.

4) I strongly dislike the stress of apartment shopping. It's driving me crazy.

Life is Funny

It's ridiculous how bad life can go one day and how amazing it will be the next.

Art Sci Weekends

ArtSci Summer Weekends are a program I've been involved with off and on for the last couple years.
Now I just show up out of habit.
I really love that program... lol.
It's funny when I show up though, because I don't really belong there any more. Oh well.

Falling off track...determined to get back on. I need my focus

Recommitment
I need to do this.
I feel like it always helps to write things down because I can come back to it if I forget, and it stays in my mind longer.

I need to:
Get back to practicing my viola and playing because it always makes me feel better
Start eating healthier again
Start exercising again
Get back to reading my bible on the regular
Pray every day
Keep this journal up
Keep in contact with my friends
Enjoy life more. Stress less.

Ready. Set. Go!

Patience

Patience - a virtue i was NOT blessed with

So I'm working on it:


PSA 37:7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret
when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.

8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret--it leads only to
evil.

9 For evil men will be cut off, but those who hope in the LORD will
inherit the land.

40:1 I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry.

PRO 15:18 A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms
a quarrel.

ECC 7:8 The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is
better than pride.

1CO 13:4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not
boast, it is not proud.

5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it
keeps no record of wrongs.
LAM 3:26 it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD.

Random Quick Happy Thought - Boule', NYC, Chicago

Ahhhhhhhhhhh
I think it's really starting to hit how ridiculous the rest of this summer/year is going to be.

I'm in Chicago now, kickin' it for the 4th.
I'm going apartment shopping tomorrow (i know, CRAZY!)
Common concert on Friday!
Most likely Six Flags on the 17th!
Boule' in Texas 18 days!
DLP in NYC in 1 month and 1 day!
Marchdown in 1 month 10 days!
My birthday and training in 1 month 16 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OH EM GEEE!!!!!!!!!

::excited scared happy freaked out confused face::

Tonights Reflection

We went to Queen of Sheeba tonight for someone's birthday who never showed up. That was really kind of rude. Luckily we had fun. Then we headed to the landing. This place just about always makes me happy. However, I don't understand why people go just to drink and don't want to dance. If that's not your scene then don't come. It just makes it less fun for whoever your with.

In addition, while driving home, this car in front of us on the highway was swerving extra bad! Please don't drink and drive people! Luckily/unluckily this man had just fallen asleep behind the wheel. Luckily we noticed and honked a bunch to wake him up. Buut that's also a big problem. It was kind of scary.

But now I'm home and safe. I've showered off all the disgusting smell of smoke and I'm going to crash so goodnight.

Friday, July 1

It was a lovely night. Ladies night out on Wash Ave.
We kicked it hard.
I met someone from Port St. Lucie!!!! So random.
Ended up at Steak n Shake.

It was pretty much the definition of a win.

It's such a gorgeous day!

I wrote this yesterday but apparently it never posted!

I walked to my job this morning to find this glorious scene! Its such a wonderful way to start the day off. To top it off it's cool outside too and my bff called me to wake me up to start working out. Hopefully my students show up happy thanks to awakening to a great day too!

Sincerely Ceily

So. I legitimately have a goal of becoming multiple things in my life:
A teacher
A mother
A bartender
A radio dj
An actress
A chef

Teacher -- Check

Next up is actress.

To become one, I figure I need to get discovered. I'm not trying to inflate my already overly-inflated ego, but I find myself pretty hilarious. I think a reality TV show or a sitcom based off of my life would be highly entertaining. But first I have to get discovered. So, I've started a new blog that will hopefully one day get me discovered. It's still all me, just they extreme thoughts I usually keep in my head and responses to things that excite me...because I feel like they'll excite others too. This blog will remain as the journal i intended it to be about my daily life...with a few digressions here and there of course.

So if you get bored/ want to follow another blog, follow my hopefully soon to be show: sincerelyceily.tumblr.com

Be a Spark!

"At times, our own light goes out & is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lit the flame within us."~Albert Einstein.

WHO'S YOUR SPARK?
--> taken from my Soror Traci's fb page.
I like it.

FIND YOUR SPARK. BE A SPARK.

Middle School Mania

Middle schoolers are so hilarious.
They want to be grown, act grown, talk grown (whatever that sounds like), and dress grown (i'm still not sure what this means).
But...
THEY CAN'T.

Deep down inside they're still basically those little kids I love so much.
So even though it frustrates me when they don't want to participate,
and then get mad that I called them out.

I really can't stay mad. I just dislike confrontation in general.

So. Middle school kids.

They're just.

Funny.

In case you're wondering, today we took the kids to FPCC, and it can only be described as Middle School Mania.
The day started off with them trying to hide. DIDN'T WORK. Then I had to enter stl mean girls territory and retrieve the "glamour girls" from the bathroom. THEY WERE SHOCKED. That's just a glimpse of how the day started...so imagine the rest!

Yesterday

Yesterday was a good day. Not amazing. Not horrible but a really good day.
I turned a disaster into a positive this morning by coming up with an activity for my kids on the spot and it probably turned out way better than what they would have done anyway. Another one of my students really opened up to me, and now I know a lot more about where she's coming from (probably not so wonderful since she's only mine for 3 more days and now I'm kind of attached). To top things off it was gorgeous outside today and after my GRE class I just hung out on the loop with my friends.
Yeah. It was a good. day.

Sometimes...

Sometimes I like you.
Sometimes I like you a lot.
But usually I can't stand you.
I can't stand that I like you and you don't know it.
I can't stand that everyone else knows I like you, and you can't see it.
I can't standing being your friend.
I can't stand talking to you.
I can't stand when you talk to anyone that's not me.
But I REALLY can't standing being mad at you.
Because I'm usually just mad at you...
because I like you.
And I can't stop.
So I guess sometimes I'm just made at me.

So for now, I like you.
But I make no promises about tomorrow.

Sometimes I wish...
Sometimes...
Yeah...

My Safety Whistle

So, while going through the mounds of items I've acqired in my time living on campus I came across my unopened safety whistle. It is now secure with the rest of my keys on my wristlet. I found the little instruction booklet entertaining so I thought I'd share.

Ratchet vs. Getting Yours

It's no secret I'm usually the "mom" of my friends. I'm am by no means a prude or naive. I'm legit fun and about as open as they come, and I'm not just saying that. However, I do believe in public appearances because regardless of what you do and who you are SOMEONE is going to talk about you.

I wholeheartedly believe that the opinions of insignificant trifes have about your life do not matter and should not be used against you in anyway, nor should you feel bad about what anyone thinks about you. If you like you then keep doing you. Point. Blank. Period. End of story.

However, unfortunately the things people say and do in response to how the view you can and will affect the opportunities you're given each day and the days that follow.

As such, yes, I do believe you should carry yourself in a respectable manner at all times.
Yes, I do only want to be associated with people who carry themselves in a manner that I find becoming.
Yes, I will get upset and call you out on your actions or lack thereof if I consider you a true friend.
Yes.

So here's my PSA for the day "I do not associate with ratchets."
You can get yours.
You can have fun.
Do you boo. I encourage you too.
But once you cross that line...I do not want to be associated with that side of you.
Like real talk.

That's me. If you didn't know this now you do. If you don't respect this then maybe we shouldn't be friends.
I like friends. I don't need them.
Harsh but true.
Yep .

The end.

Glycerin

What is that stuff?

Kidz. Attitudez. And Me.

I love my job.
I love working with kids.
Even the kids that give me 'tude.
Because...
I feel like they need me.

When a kid gives me 'tude I try earnestly not to respond in the typical manner.
I don't get upset until pushed VERY far when it comes to kids.

Instead...
I mirror them.

It's quite hilarious.

You experience someone with a hideous attitude trying to argue with someone acting just like them.

It's comical.

Makes me laugh hysterically.

Generally pisses the kid off.

However,
you best believe 9.5 times out of 10, they never give me the same level of attitude again.

Fun fact about people: If they aren't nice people, they hate seeing their true selves.

Daddy's Day and Am I Closed Off?

After class tonight I went to go spend some much needed bonded time with my sissy. Ya know, it amazes me how many people don't know what play sisters and play moms are. One of my co-workers asked me what I meant when I was talking about my play mom this morning. I think people who don't have play families miss out on something...It Takes A Village, right? I think so.

Anyhoo, while we were cooking she asked me about my dad since I never talk about him. I appreciated the fact that she asked and noticed I don't talk about him. I just know people never know what to say and I never know what to say to them so I just leave it alone. It's weird. What's really weird was this weekend I was at my ship's house with her family and I realized that morning it was the first time I was around a family on Father's Day that celebrated it since 9th grade. It was weird, kinda made me sad, but I swear to the big guy up top he alwayz comes at the right time.

On the drive home it was so weird, I just kept seeing things that reminded me of how my family used to be, I was driving like our old family trips, behind a car from Shelby county TN, listening to a classic rock station and every song that came on during a 30 minute period was on one of my dad's old mixed tapes my mom had made him that he used to play all the time. It really cheered me up.

But I digress. So my sissy asked me about my dad and I told her the whole story. She said every time we hang out she learns something new about me. I consider myself pretty open but I'm really not. I wonder how many people notice that. Is that a bad thing? Am I so closed off that my friends really don't know me? I wonder...


It's whatever. Such is life. Happy Daddy's Day Dad. Miss you.

Weekend Recap - Adventures of Panicz and Ceily head to KC

This weekend I took a much need mini-vacation home with my ship/pair/anchor/bestie Panicz. We left Friday after I got my hair done so I wouldn't look a hot mess when I met her parents. I had on wonderful time meeting her family. We're pretty sure her brother thinks i'm a stalker (it's a long story), her papa is hilarious, dad looks just like her, mom acts just like her, and grandma is adorable (btw: fun fact about her grams - she was a regional midwestern director and crossed at Alcorn State in 1948, ZPhiB So Sweet!). So yeah her family is adorable and they all live near each other. Kinda makes me sad my family isn't like that, but then we wouldn't be the Strongs so it's all good.

Anyhoo on Friday night we spent so fun times at this club called Orlando's and watched the ratchets that KC - Kansas has to offer do their think. Then we headed over to UMKC for a house party at some Alpha's house that ended up being really lame so we just hung out at the dorms with some friends. Then sleepy time.

Saturday night we went out to the Power and Light District downtown. It was a definite #win (yes, I also add hashtags in other places besides twitter...so #sueme). We partied at Mosaic and the outdoor place too. It's basically like a bigger, better (more expensive though) Landing, for all my WU and STL folk. The only downside was evading the middle aged man who said he was from Nigeria but lived in Nebraska who kept following Panicz around. (In case you were wondering he was not cute, tucked in his shirt with a belt, and was wearing running shoes with his slacks and dress shirt #ew #doubleew #puke #epicfail)

And then, we drove home today. It was a wonderful adventure. The end.

Current Mood: stressed and blessed

So... I'm really stressed and excited now if the title of this post didn't give that away. I applied to this Diversity Leadership Program which is a free networing conference which also gives out scholarships. But I need to make sure I'm not busy that weekend. Ugh.

Proud of myself...no thanks to the rain

I just thought I should share. Yesterday not only did I wash and comb my hair for the first time in who knows how long. I also blowdried and really combed it out. If you know me, you know that's a big accomplishment. *chuckle* However, sadly, it has been storming all morning ::sad face:: oh well. Such is life.

FPCC

So we took our kids to visit Forest Park Community College. I was trying to be open minded. I know I'm spoiled at WashU...but I happened across their code of conduct and lost it. I was filled with laughter. Below "do not battle rap" there are more great rules which unfortunatley will not fit in the picture such as "do not braid or style hair on campus" "do not participate in sexual or lewd acts" "do not gamble" and "no fighting". Hilarity. Who was doing these things?! These things happen in campus buildings at colleges? That's a problem.

(2/2) often. Ill resend the one I wrote yesterday.

(1/2) Yay! My mobile posting is working. I set it up yesterday but I guess it takes awhile to work. =) I'm elated. Hopefully this will encourage me to post more

Does this work?

This One's For Shay

I was reminded today by one of my daughter's that I haven't posted in awhile. It's hilarious how He treats you're live by sending you messages through different people. I also had to take my kids for my summer job around Forest Park Community College and our host for the day took about 20 minutes to tell our kids the importance of keeping a journal. Also, while cleaning up my room a little today I happened upon a journal I got as a secret snowman (non denominational secret santa lol) gift last CHRISTmas. What's more, this morning my friend Chelsea and I were talking about our language experiences and she shared she keeps a journal all in French.

I don't believe in coincidences. I believe in karma. I believe in fate. I believe in faith...and I'm pretty sure someone's trying to tell me to get back to my journaling so this is my triumphant return.

Thanks, 6lb 8oz baby Jesus. I got the message.

Chapter Retreat

We had our chapters 10 year reunion today. It was lovely.
My advice on my patch "Sisterz don't let go"
Panics advice "Alwayz appear innocent" lol.

MY LIFELINE KEEPS MY HEART BEATING

A Different World

I love this show.

A great quote from the episode I saw the other day...

"Don't try and fix a problem with a catastrophe."

Great advice right?

I wish people would follow it.

Memorial Day Weekend

Memorial Day Weekend was a win!
-Despite how much time it is/will take up I'm really happy I'm getting to step in Marchdown before I leave and I think all the dovelies on the team are hilarious and I'm sad I'm just getting to know some of them for the first time
-Landing was a #fail but that's ok
-Memorial Day party with the ship was a definite #win. Our headbands were gorgeous, blu and white took over the room with the bar, all people from out of town were there that I love, I was happy...then we went to iHop so of course I was happy.
-Memorial Day...today...long but filled with wonderment
*SoupZ came back today. ::tear:: we had our last ship dinner with the whole ship for awhile because she's leaving us to go live with her husband in Hawaii #dislike
*Had my first bbq for the ressies for the summer and everyone came to help!!! mad love for panics, pm, go, and gina!!
*Everybody who came to help with my bbq for the ressies packed in the car and cheleasa joined us and we headed to the greek picnic which was fun and on my fav sorors nichelle was there so you know i was laughing and having fun
*then ship dinner
*and now procrastinating by writing this

I AM HAPPY

oh and i saw my grandbaby (who's leaving me to go be successful in nyc this summer) and shay too! even though shay and i failed at most of our plans we did make it to kayaks for lunch on sat.

OH!!! and my auntie Sam got married!!!!!!!!!! i'm so happy for her (#lowkey jealous...a hubby and a baby?!...yeah she's amazing)
--> and saw all the aunties and mom as a consequence =)

Yeah. Basically.

It was a great weekend.

Bring it on weekdays!!!!

The World is Treating My Life

Like real talk. The world really is treating my life. The good news is my eyeZ and mind are wide open and I'm paying attention so I'm catching the hints. Thanks to Love for the advice. Every time I've opened fb today or searched for something on google I've gotten exactly the message I needed to see.


"Take away my foolish desires, and let me find life by
walking with you.-Psalm 119:37


BE JOYFUL!

Home is where your heart is.

It's cliche.
But it's true.
Thank Katie Jackson's mom on the Jackson 5 movie for that reminder.

So keeping with the be joyful kick...
I'm extra thankful for the people that come in and out of my life for seasons to make my homes happy. Even if it's only for a little while...you have my heart.

Advice from Stickies

If you're ever around me you know about Baby J
If you're around me a lot you know about my post-it note problem
I was reading the quotes on my stickies today and found an old one...
I don't know who wrote it...but I like it and I'm gonna work on it.

Less things. More space. More Life.


Makes sense.

Messages You Need Pop Up Everywhere

Messages You Need Pop Up Everywhere


Sitting in my room. Wondering about this boy. Crushing on another. Worried about Quita. Complaining about work..and many other things. But I'll stop now.

I went on Facebook and my uncle Rockey's status treated my life:


"Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus."1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Why do we rub our eyez?

I'm about to crash...I realized I was sleepy when I couldn't stop rubbing my eyeZ. Then I wondered why we rub our eyeZ when were tired in the first place. So thanks to http://www.strangequestions.com/question/784/Why-do-people-rub-their-eyes-when-theyre-tired.html and Google...here's the answer.

There are two reasons we do this: dry eyes and relaxation.

Your tear ducts get tired just like the rest of your body. When this happens, they produce less fluid, which dries out your eyes. If you are really tired, you may drift off mentally, causing you to stare. Having your eyes open for prolonged periods of time increases dryness.

When you rub your eyes you are stimulating the tear ducts, while also spreading moisture over your eye. This pressure has another effect: By pressing against your ocular muscles, you are also putting pressure on your Vagus nerve. This triggers a reduction in blood pressure, which helps you relax and get ready for sleep. This is the same reason we rub our eyes when we're under a lot of stress.

Changing... should you? Do you?

So I'm watching Grease right now, and I'm wondering how do people feel about changing for the people who they are attracted to or are in relationships with. I feel like Danny may have been pretending to be someone he wasn't on the beach, or maybe he really was a nice guy who just put on an act at school...but Sandy definitely changed to be acceptable to Danny at the end.






We all know change is constant and therefore inevitable, but is it good or bad to actively try to change for another? There's a difference between trying to better yourself and trying to be someone you're not.


I think I sometimes try to change for others, but I end up judging myself and stopping most of the time. I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. Hmm. Oh well. Just wondering.

POSITIVITY IS KEY

apparently i have some horrible disease that's making me emotional... as usual i have decided to self medicate myself...todays cure will be happy thoughts:

strawaberry ice cream
real hugs
good laughs
being tickled until you cry even though you hate the person at the time
my dad
my grandma
bowling
sunglasses
ice skating
ecuador
spain
the beach
the besties, from everywhere
my favorite sandz
Lifeline
Contagiouz
success
my students
my future family
purple
lava lamps
skype calls from my loves across the world
my trio fam
baby DJ
driving down 95...at the appropriate speed lol
my future puppy - Kitt-Tea Strong
the master mashup mixes that play in my head
my birthday
well executed, wonderfully choreographed dance routines
taking pictures
great photographs
cruises
shopping
real love
mcdonalds
my parents

Here's a good message:

"Life can change ya directions
Even when you ain't planned it
All you can do is handle it
The worst thing you could do is panic
Use it to your advantage
Avoid insanity manage to conquer every obstacle
Make impossible possible
Even when winnings illogical
Losing's still far from optional"
-T.I.

Emotional rollercoaster

That adequately describes this past week, and my current mindset. Generally I'm the one who's happy and can remain positive and laugh everything off. This week things are different...and everything's about to change...and I strongly dislike big changes.

Recap of the week: my tre left after getting married, financial disfunction in the family, mom and sam came to visit and although I didn't tell them I think at least mom knew this might be the only time I see them this year, boy issues, friend issues, I GRADUATED, my friends left.

I miss my best friends from home, I miss my best friends from school, I'm broke, I'm watching To Kill A Mockingbird and Tom Robinson just died...

But I have a job for the summer and next year, my family came to my graduation, Paris and I are planning a trip to Vegas next summer, and summertime in St. Louis always is fun

I don't know how I feel right now
=/

GRADUATION IS HERE

BSA Graduation was this evening... It started off with a few hitches but turned out wonderfully. I think I'm legit freaking out now about everyone leaving. =( I LOVE CLASS X!!! I can't imagine attending a different college with a different bunch of crazies ::tear::

Songs I'm Diggin At This Very Moment...Like Right Now

Rude Boy- Rihanna (Why is this so dang catchy?)
There Goes My Baby - Usher...actually everything by Usher old and new
Blaque - everything...yeah it's been a reminiscing week

Am I Clingy?

I don't think I'm clingy. I just think I should see/talk to/or communicate in some way with the people that are important in my life on a regular basis and...YES...I do get upset when we don't. But I don't think thats clingy...or at least I hope it's not. Oh well. Such is life. #keepitmoving (yes, i also talk in tweets/hashtags/trending topics.... now #itsaproblem)

Waking up late. Feeling great.

I just thought the world should know I feel quite wonderful. It's great to have mentees that become your real friends (cough Shay cough), and who are talented and help you with your hair. It's wonderful to meet knew people and just talk. I honestly had one of the best conversations I've had with a guy ever last night and we talked about the most random things in the world. It was wonderful. I also am COMPLETELY DONE with my undergraduate career so I got to sleep until I woke up which would have been about 10 minutes ago. Yup. Life is good.

Things I Love

- the color purple (actual color, book, and movie)
- great late night conversations about anything and everything
- wonderful music
- food
- friends
- attention and compliments
- babies
- success
- helping others succeed
- feeling wonderful
- help
- hair advice

I'm happy to say I've had the pleasure of experiencing all these things in the past 48 hours. Pretty wonderful right?

Friendships

It's funny how things work out. I cannot explain the dynamics of my relationships with my friends. I've been trying hard to focus on developing them this semester so that when I leave college I won't be left virtually alone besides 1 or 2 friends like in high school...but we'll see.

One-sided relationships, relationships where people can't be open all the time, relationships where people are excluded from plans,..don't work well with me. I strongly dislike them.

I've always been the type of person who hangs with different groups of people. Oftentimes my friends from different circles don't get along...but I don't care. I feel like if you love and respect me enough you can handle being around each other and doing things together. However, I can understand the idea that people shouldn't have to put up with people they don't like. But how do you balance that?

I tried this semester and I think it may have damaged some friendships, but it is what it is. I can't change the past. But I'm really going to miss all my friends after graduation. I wish we had a whole year without classes just to hang out. I'm not ready to go out and make new friends all over again. I like the ones I have.

Summer 2010

First update. Summer Plans.
I will be an RA on campus, taking a GRE class, hanging with friends, getting in shape and hopefully working with the Campus Y.

I am very excited for this summer. It's kind of the culmination of my college life here in St. Louis. It'll be a nice break and a wonderful time to spend with my friends who will still be in town. I'm expecting an EPIC SUMMER and I refuse to disappoint myself with this expectation.

I ready for new experiences and friends, preparing myself mentally and financially for City Year Chicago next year, spending time with my new baby nephew DJ and of course kickin it HARD with the ship, frat, babycakes Shay, Ray Ray, and everyone else in the Lou.

So for those of you who will be in the 314 this summer... GET HYPE GET HYPE.

What's going on? - Updates will begin now

So it has been forever since I've blogged. I shall try and separate my posts/updates so that all of my resent thoughts and reflections don't get confused.

Junior is Here

Oh. I have so much to write on this blog. So much has happened. I will update the world later. But to spread some joy... my new nephew Junior was born this morning!!!!!! He's beautiful. I just had to share.

MOTIVATION

I have not been on my A game.
I have not even been on my B game.
But that's over now.
I think I finally have some motivation.

All the glory goes to the big one up top and my friends that keep me grounded. Ya know...people are always revealing their true selves to you. I have ls's that will move to different states and apply to schools...so they can make sure I'm good. Do you have that? I have friends that drive hours in the middle of the night and try to hop on planes to deal with people who hurt my feelings unintentionally. Do you have that?
Well I do. And everytime I think about it I realized how EXTREMELY blessed I am. That's my motivation. They are my motivation.

Smile. Why? Because you should!

One of my friends and sandz was going through something today. I don't know what, but it was inhibiting him from enjoying his day and not being stressed. His smile usually makes my day so it really upset me that someone had upset him to the point to where he couldn't smile. As such, I took it upon myself to look up smiling for you.

I encourage all to visit:
http://www.wikihow.com/Smile

Suicide. Please read. Pass it on.

I don't know about everyone else. But I love hard. I have very few people out of the many I know that I consider family and friends and it's honestly not possible for me to love them more than I already do. Over the years a few of my friends and acquaintances have had suicidal thoughts, and or attempted to harm themselves. I cannot express my concern for the well being of ALL those around me, friend or not. As such, I thought it smart to share a few tips about what to do if someone around you expresses thoughts of wanting to hurt themselves.

WHATEVER YOU DO LISTEN TO THEM. IF THEY SHARE SOMETHING WIHT YOU ITS A SIGN THEY WANT SOMEONE TO KNOW AND WANT HELP.

1. There are no right or wrong things you can say if you are speaking out of love and concern. Just be yourself. Show that you care by talking to them, holding them while they cry, or whatever else is necessary.

2. A suicidal person usually is carrying around some burden that they feel they just can't handle anymore. Offer to listen as they vent their feelings of despair, anger and loneliness. Sometimes this is enough to lighten the load just enough for them to carry on.

3. Be sympathetic, non-judgmental, patient, calm, accepting. The person will pick up on your attitude and begin to mirror this.

4. Don't be afraid to ask, "Are you having thoughts of suicide?" You are not putting ideas in their head. This will give you some valuable information about how to proceed in helping him.

5. If the answer is yes, ask these three questions:

Have you thought about how you would do it?
Do you have what you need to carry out your plan?
Do you know when you will do it?
Fortunately the majority of people will either say that they have no definite plans or that they don't have the nerve to do it themselves. Although this is still a serious situation, you know that they are probably not in imminent danger of hurting themselves. Take their words as a plea for help and proceed with helping them to get the assistance that they need. Urge them to seek professional help as soon as possible.

If the answers they give you lead you to believe they are in immediate danger, do not hesitate to contact the authorities. They may tell you that you are betraying them or making them angry. You may feel like you will lose their friendship if you take action. Just remember that you may permanently lose their friendship if you don't. When they're well again, they will thank you.

6. Keep them talking. This will allow them to reduce the emotional burden they are carrying. and give them time to calm down. The longer you keep them talking, the more you can take the edge off their desperation. As their momentum winds down, it's harder for them to act on their feelings.

7. Avoid trying to offer quick solutions or belittling the persons feelings. How big he perceives the problem to be and how much he is hurting over it is what counts. Rational arguments do little good to persuade a person when they are in this state of mind. Instead offer your empathy and compassion for what he is feeling without making any judgments about whether he should feel that way.

8. If the person has already started a suicide attempt, call for help immediately. If they are still conscious, get what information you can about what substances they have ingested, how long ago did they ingest them, how much did they take, are they also consuming alcohol, when did they last eat, what is the general state of their health. Call 911, Poison Control, or an appropriate emergency contact number in your area and explain the situation. Keep calm and follow any steps they may give you to assist your friend.

9. If you are in a situation--such as an online friendship--where you know very little about the person, encourage them to call 911 on their own or to call a suicide hotline in their area.. This is your best option, because a local agency such as 911 or a hotline may be able to trace the call and get assistance to them. If they refuse to call, do your best to learn whatever personal information you can about the person. Don't hesitate to ask them for their address, phone number, and other information to help dispatch an emergency crew to their home. Ask for the same information in item #9 as well.

10. Dealing with a suicide threat is very stressful. Seek assistance to decompress afterwards. Talk to a trusted friend, your pastor, etc. about what you've been through and how you feel about it.

http://depression.about.com/cs/suicideprevent/a/suicidal.htm

QOTD

My LifeLine is what keeps my heart pumping and my mind focused.. My attitude is Contagiouz so move or catch it.

Current Mood: Amanda Perez - God Send Me an Angel

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BH7PqKbX9Ok

It's been five months since you went away
Left without a word and nothing to say
When I was the one who gave you my heart and soul
But it wasn't good enough for you, no
So I asked God

God send me an angel
From the heavens above
Send me an angel to heal my broken heart
From being in love
'Cause all I do is cry
God send me an angel
To wipe the tears from my eyes

And I know it might sound crazy
But after all that I still love you
You wanna come back in my life
But now there is something I have to do
I have to tell the one that I once adored
That they can't have my love no more
Cause my heart can't take no more lies
And my eyes are all out of cries

God send me an angel
From the heavens above
Send me an angel to heal my broken heart
From being in love
'Cause all I do is cry
God send me an angel
To wipe the tears from my eyes

Now you had me on my knees
Begging God please to send you back to me
I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep
You made me feel like I could not breathe
Now all I wanted to do was to feel your touch
And give you all my love
But you took my love for granted
Want my lovin' now
But you can't have it
God

God send me an angel
From the heavens above
Send me an angel to heal my broken heart
From being in love
'Cause all I do is cry
God send me an angel
To wipe the tears from my eyes

Oh God, send me (God send me an angel)
An angel (wipe the tears from my eyes) Oh baby
Send me an angel from the heavens above
Send me an angel (God send me an angel)
From being in love (send me an angel)
Oh God, send me an angel
Send me an angel (send me an angel)
Ooohhhh..

Thought's on my mind at 12:37 am on April 7th

My duece put it best:

My Life Line is what keeps my heart pumping and my mind focused.. My attitude is Contagiouz so move or catch it. I love MY Sororz!!

Good morning. & . Good night.

Some Biblical Verses That Helped Me Get Through Today

I took today for myself. It was wonderful. I will return to the chipper smiles and encouraging of all those around me tomorrow. It was a wonderful vacation. These bible verses and Maria de Zayas "El Jardin Enganaso" made my day.



1 John 3:16
This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.

1 John 3:18
Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.

Proverbs 17:9
Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends.

Proverbs 17:17
A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

Proverbs 30:18-19
There are three things that amaze me—
no, four things that I don’t understand:
how an eagle glides through the sky,
how a snake slithers on a rock,
how a ship navigates the ocean,
how a man loves a woman.

John 15:13
Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

1 Corinthians 13:1-8a and 13
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails....And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.


Peter 4:8
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.




SO LOVE STRONG. FOR LOVE CONQUERS ALL AND CAN MEND ALL PROBLEMS. I BELIEVE IT. I SPEAK THIS TRUTH INTO EXISTENCE IF IT WAS NOT TRUE ALREADY.

Lent and Easter Reflections

The season of Lent has come to an end with the celebration of Jesus' Resurrection Day, also known as Easter. My sentiments toward this time of year have changed over the years and it has become one of my favorite celebrations which I find to be largely overlooked as a time for celebrating. It's quite sad.

For one, Jesus gave up so much for people, it's amazing how they wouldn't find it necessary to give up something for only about a month each year for him. This year I gave up potatoes, which although I realize sounds trivial however for me it was a big deal. French fries, baked potatoes, mashed potatoes, sweet potato fries, sweet potato chips are big comfort foods for me. I can honestly say I eat potatoes at least once a day solely because I enjoy the taste and I want them, so it took a lot of self control and monitoring not to eat them. I also originally said I would give up swearing which I failed miserably at...which honestly is just an excuse. So if at first you don't succeed try try again. I will try not to swear for the rest of this year. Honestly.
If you've actually taken the time to read all of this, please feel free to try and keep me accountable.

With regard to Easter, the actual day. It was fabulous. I spent my morning and most of my afternoon with my ace/captain/twin. She picked me up in the morning and we went to her church and heard the good word. It always makes me uncomfortable to hear the crucifixion story because its so graphic. However, I feel like it needs to be told, and often, so people can really understand all that was done for them.

After Church, we had a meal with her congregation, then she took car-less me around to pick up food for my friends at school. Which would not have occurred without her lol.
After that, I had the annual dinner with my WashU family which went well. I ended the day with TRiO honors and awards, where for some reason I was named role model of the year. Who knew I was a role model? I really don't think I am. I honestly think I am constantly just trying to make sure that I amdoing my best and trying to help others do theirs. I am not amazing, there are SO many out their who are my role models, but it was wonderful to know that someone felt me worthwhile to try and be like. My Easter ended with belly dance rehearsal where we fixed our costumes. It was wonderful. It allowed me to end the day laughing with the rest of the dancers.

Overall: Easter + Lent = A+

WOW I'm Behind / Let me vent for a moment

Yeah I just realized how I completely stopped posting on here. That's ridiculous. Agh. Oh well. I will catch the world up on what's been going on in my life later, as I need to finish this reading for class. However, before I do I need to vent for a moment.

Disrespect is unacceptable, and in my eyes becoming more unforgivable as the days pass. It is amazing to me how much I can count on my ship for support, friendship, and understanding, and the people who have been my friends for years can be so completely wishy washy. Not that I wouldn't expect my ship to be there for me, but lets be honest, I've really only known most of them for 1 year, a fantastic year that's been the best of my life so far, but its only been 1.

I've always thought it was horrible when people joined sororities and frats and completely ditched their friends. An unpleasant experience I unfortunatly went through with some of my friends. As such, I work really hard to make sure I spend time with all of my friends, greek or not. Sadly, they apparently don't put me up on the same level as I put them, because they find it acceptable to completely leave you hanging...on multiple occasions, ditch you, or completely exclude you.

Ugh.
Ok I'm done.
I feel much better.

It just blows my mind how even my mentees, who are also my friends, but they have known me for less time as well, can even be more supportive.

Like, come on.

Ok. Back to the smiley face. I will be taking some me time though this week. Also, my baby sister is coming so that will make my week.

HAVE A MARVELOUS MONDAY

5 Star Whaaaat?!

This is HIGHlarious. I must share.


*DISCLAIMER* This does not represent language I use or opinions I have.


"I.am.so. I. am. so. good. I am the baddest chick in tha hood."

"My money name is money. My money name is money."

LOL

*DEAD*

In appreciation of a true friend...

I am so very appreciative of the true friends I have in my life.

It really makes my day, week, life, to know that I have people that legit care about my life, want and actively seek to find out more about me. I am also happy to have a fervent belief that our friendship will continue to grow and remain strong over the years...because what's life without friends?

I just had a little chat with one of my best friends about a very traumatic and stressful time in my life. I have shared the whole story with very few people, and only two people have every taken the initiative to ask me about it themselves. Thanks. Like real talk.

I only hope I am as good a friend to you as you are to me. Because slacking friendships are yet another epidemic on the rise.

Tonight's noted epidemics:
Snitching
Annoying little sisters
Slacking friendships


Dear World,
I know it's a recession and times are hard, but get it together. These trends/epidemics are not cool.
Heart,
PJ

To much to say. And i'm sleepy.

It's been a LONG while since I've posted. Well, not that long, but very long considering it's my goal to have 365 posts by the end of the year. Anyhoo...many things have occurred. I had an AMAZING spring break...blog post describing to come. I have secured a job service project for next year which was my first choice for 2/3 of this year so YAY...blog post describing also to come.

I can't believe it's really the end of senior year. So much to do. Lots of freaking out. Not enough time. That's everything in a nutshell. I'll elaborate later.

But today was cool. I started my new research assistant gig which I already can tell I'm going to love. I now kind of regret not working on my own research before, but not to worry, I'll just do it now. =)

I had a lovely sushi dinner with part of the ship and an auntie and for the rest of the night I went out with some of the roomies and I was the dd for the night so it was interesting to see EXACTLY how people are when they go out.

I also think I have a new crush. which is wierd. I can't remember the last time I had a crush on someone.

Alas, it is time to catch some zzzzz's.

-Joy & Happiness-

I've level my friends in my brain. Although it sounds bad. It's actually a good thing.

I've been doing a lot of reflecting lately. Partly because I'm dealing with a lot of issues within my circle of friends and partly because I'm freaking out worrying about life after May 21. Either way, I'm very happy for the very few friends I have. Recent events have really helped me see. It's so interesting how many different levels the people you call your friends can fall in. Not that you want to classify your friends, but I think its smart to know who 's who.

At the top, I have my friends I can trust with everything. Everything. These are rare. I know I'm a pretty reserved person with regard to my own issues and problems but I know that L, W, and K are there. We have disagreements, but we get over them. And it's a give and take relationship where I listen to them just like they listen to me. I'm SO appreciative of the fact these people are in my life and I think I might not show it enough so I'm going to work on that.

The next level of friends are really really good friends as well. I think that's where the majority of people everyone thinks are my best friends or in my clique fall. This is not to say I don't trust these people. However, they aren't as open as my friends at the top with sharing, or I need to censor or not discuss certain topics around them because of their reactions and actions after hearing it. OR these people get along with me really well and we kick it on the regular, but we don't really talk.

It's just interesting to think about.

Anyhoo enough babbling

You can be a couch potato and work out! Score!

Couch Potato Exercises!
Do these in between commercials.
Found on: http://www.webmd.com/fitness-exercise/features/fitness-for-couch-potatoes

~ Pushups. If floor pushups are too difficult for you, start off by standing up with your hands on the wall, then pushing back. Do this 10 times; increase the reps as the exercise gets easier.

~ Chair squats. Stand up, sit down, then stand right back up (for even more of a workout, don't sit down all the way). Do this for the length of one commercial. As it gets easier, do it again for the next commercial.

~ Marching in place. Move both your arms and legs; add jumping jacks to increase the intensity.

Strength Courage and Wisdom

Strength Courage & Wisdom. I love this song. Currently, I think it mirrors that thoughts in my head.


Inside my head there lives a dream that I want to see in the sun
Behind my eyes there lives a me that I've been hiding for much too long
'Cause I've been, too afraid to let it show
'Cause I'm scared of the judgment that may follow
Always putting off my living for tomorrow
It's time to step out on faith, I've gotta show my face
It's been elusive for so long, but freedom is mine today
I've gotta step out on faith, It's time to show my face
Procrastination had me down but look what I have found, I found

[Chorus:]
Strength, courage, and wisdom
And it's been inside of me all along,
Strength, courage, and wisdom
Inside of me

Behind my pride there lives a me, that knows humility
Inside my voice there is a soul, and in my soul there is a voice
But I've been, too afraid to make a choice
'Cause I'm scared of the things that I might be missing
Running too fast to stop and listen

It's time to step out on faith, I've gotta show my face
It's been elusive for so long but freedom is mine today
I've gotta step out on faith it's time to show my face
Procrastination had me down but look what I have found, I found

[Chorus]

[Bridge:]
I close my eyes and I think of all the things that I want to see
'Cause I know, now that I've opened up my heart I know that
Anything I want can be, so let it be, so let it be:.

Strength, courage, and wisdom
It's been inside of me all along,
Strength, courage, wisdom
It's been inside of me all along, everyday I'm praying for:

[Chorus]

Vamp
I found it in me, I found it finally
I'm sure to keep it' cause I like it, I say thank you

it's our anniverZary...

Smile on my face.
Joy in my heart.
That's how every day should start.

Today's like that.
Blue skies white stars.
I don't need money.
Or fancy cars.

Cuz we've got us.
I don't care about me.
Cuz WE are all that matters.
Don't you see?

So we celebrate today!
"Why?" You ask we.
Because...

It's our anniverZary!!!!

I love Z.S. Lifeline!

I call her babycakes. Her real name is Shay.

So I told my kid, mentee, friend, that girl named babycakes, Shay that I would dedicate a post to her. So.... here it is. =)

She also requested free advertising for her blog. So check it out. http://purplechocolatehearts.blogspot.com

What makes a good daughter?

So, like a true WashU student let me share with you some random thoughts that popped into my head while trying to cram to finish a homework assignment.

I was researching the familial roles and relations of families in siglo 17 (the 17the century) in Spain...focusing on the roles of unwed daughters. During that time women were subjected to the hidden lines separating their private home lives from their public lives outside the safety and security of their homes. It was dangerous for unwed women to leave the house without a family member because outside the safety of ones house young unwed daughters are subject to the perils of having their virtues lost or rumors that they've done something uncouth which still loses them their public appearance of being virtuous.

Of course it is now 2010 and I do not live in Spain but what are the dangers of me venturing out into the world alone? I feel like that's about to occur. Yes, I've pretty much been on my own since graduating high school but not really? I don't think I'm nervous about what lies ahead, I do however have a strong and fervent fear of loneliness.

Had this been 17th century Spain, and if my parents had money I would already have been married off (hopefully) to a nice husband who provides a house and economic stability to maintain my security and social status. Nowadays marriage cannot guarantee that, however it can guarantee companionship, assuming you really know and love the person you choose to marry. The one thing that still remains the same is that the marriage of the originally unwed daughter makes the parents happy.

Sadly, I can't think of anything that would make my mother, or myself for that matter happier than if I were to get married sometime soon and have children. Is that weird? I obviously know that I'm not a bad daughter for not achieving these goals at this time in my life, however, what makes me a good daughter? I honestly don't know. But it's something to ponder and work on.

SURPRISE

Little Known Fact About Me:

I'm catholic. Yes, african-american catholics exist.
It's so interesting to me how surprised people are to find this out. Apparently I don't state this enough because all my friends always act like it is brand new news to them.

For Lent I've given up swearing and potatoes. These sacrifices may seem small but they are actually kind of big for me. I have been struggling to not curse as much, and today I had a french fry in my mouth and it wasn't until I was chewing that I realized what I was eating and handed the other half. I said a hail mary and kept it moving. But PHEW! That was close.

If you pray, please pray that I am able to continue my sacrifices, especially during spring break. In addition, that I am able to sacrifice other unimportant things in my life to focus more on what IS important. I really need help stopping myself from swearing. I do not want to restart once easter hits. Potatoes on the other head...yeah...I want those back.

I love my frat!

I would just like to take this time to tell the world how much I love my frat. I have ALWAYS wanted a brother. Ask my mom. ALWAYS. And now I do.

It's not on some "oh those are our frat brothers lets make sure we show up at their party" type deal. They are my real brothers. They talk to me about their girl issues, tell me to much information about the ratchetness they get into, and kick it on a regular basis. The best part is I know they always got my back, and they know I always got theirs.

Special shoutouts to my Bff that wanna be 5. I love you! He's always their to make me laugh, and although he's a bit OVER protective, he surely makes sure no one messes with me.

ZETA PHI BETA SIGMA. A bond often imitated. But NEVER duplicated.

Time Flies

It's almost been a year. I can't believe it.

I'm about to graduate...college. Who would have thought?

I'm supposed to be a grownup soon?

SHUT UP.

I'm going to sleep.

I can't think about such things.

Pray today. Thanks.

PLEASE PRAY FOR CHILE!

http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2010/02/earthquake_in_chile.html

And don't forget to Pray for Haiti!

And Pray for Hawaii! Apparently a tsunami is on its way.

Actually, just pray for the world.

Pride and Joy

After that venting session I need something to uplift my mood. In order to do so, I've decided to share with you a few bits of information that have made me very proud of my family and friends and given me some joy.

- My baby sister is a G. She went to a math competition a few weeks ago, and was the only person on the middle school team that took the time to show up to the competition. She did ok in the individual competition, and under the influence of our high school math teacher she entered the team competition alone. The superstar 7th grader placed 5th out of 30 teams alone. SHE IS SUCH A BALLER.

- My little sister whom I don't have the best relationship with is also doing big things. Although we attend the same school we don't really talk...but whether she knows it or not, I check up on her. She's doing AMAZING in her classes, doesn't give in to peer pressure and just does her.

- My best friend/sister is loving/living her life. She's in school. She has kept her jobs and been raking in the money.AND she just got a new job. She's kept up her working out as well and looks amazing. She's legit one of my role models.

- My twin has been through so much this year but she still has the most amazing outlook on life. She's excited for the future, enjoying life, forgetting the bs around her, working like crazy (this chick has 3 jobs).

- My tre has found love. Like for real. I'm so happy for her. She's doing things, got these fly internships, in school, and working.

-Crazy Kelis! I love her. Until I met her I didn't know how much someone could really care about their friends. She has the biggest heart out of everyone I know and I'm so proud of how much she's changed and grown since we first met. The way she's handled tough situations that were brought to her this week show just how mature she is.

- No one has anything on my Pair. She's only a junior already working on multiple clients' accounts in an accounting firm, while still in school, while still managing to have time for a life, and being away from her family.

- Lifeline, ma, aunties. Love them. I know I don't call like I should. But I love them all just the same.

- Roomie. There is no other. My Roomie will always be better than yours. She's gonna be a doctor. She took initiative to come to dance rehearsal for a routine she wasn't in just for fun and exercise. I've always wanted to do that but never had the courage.

- Ugie. Chick is about her work. I've never seen anyone study on such a constant basis as this girl!

- Woahdie. Love this girl. She's my fitness role model.

- All my friends that got RA positions I'm SO excited and proud of ya'll too.

- BankRhea came to visit and it made my week seeing her. I miss her and many of the WashU grads.

Ok. Tired of typing. Those are just a few of the things that bring me joy/ have made me happy this week and on a constant basis.

i do not like rips bits liars or disrespectful individuals

Let me preface this post with the fact that Sister Act 2 is on so I'm very happy.

However, I need to get something off my chest. People let you down. With all of my education classes, mentoring training, psychology classes, and RA training I know that people generally expect the worst of people and focus on the negative. As such, I try earnestly to focus on the positive things people do. Even, and especially people I dislike personally because I don't like personal biases to get in the way of work.

HOWEVER.

I have legit encountered a grimy individual. I didn't know these people actually existed. I thought everyone had some good in them. Apparently I was wrong. I haven't liked this rip ever since I became acquainted with her. But, I've constantly pointed out the few good things she's done and tried to focus on them, only to find out she's being lying this whole time with some underhanded sneaky mess. I DON'T LIKE RIPS, BITS, LIARS, AND/OR DISRESPECTFUL INDIVIDUALS.

I'm very upset. But I refuse to waste my life on unimportant individuals. So my unhappy emotions end now.

Got my happy thoughts on the post-its in Baby J and in my wallet.

Happy Thoughts For The Day:
Sam Sam
Strawberry Ice Cream
My mom
Ecuador
Fresh Empanadas
Strawberries and cream

A Problem and A Solution

Problem:
I am freaking out wondering what I'm going to do after college. Yes, I've applied to programs. Yes, I've completed my teachers certification. Yet, I have no decisions. Thinking about life after May 21, 2010 is consuming my mind. Real talk. I think about it at least once every other minute. I've become an insomniac. I've ceased being productive academically or at my jobs. It's a legit issue.

Solution:
Focus on things that calm me down. Today I went to go see Afriky Lolo and I was reminded of my love for dance and music. It's hilarious that I will dance in class, go out with friends, dance in Black Anthology, and when everything ends...believe that I'll be ok. I need some new music..and I need to take some time out of each day to dance, and play or listen to music. Hopefully that'll keep me a little bit centered.

Sincerely,

Ceily Decietful (yeah I'm still here...it'll be awhile til I'm gone)

Random thoughts and things I like...

I'm watching Law and Order.
I love Law and Order.

Whoopi Goldberg is a foster mom on this episode.
I love Whoopi Goldberg.

I'm also currently drinking am amazing smoothing I made.
I love delicious smoothies.

The end.

What Makes a Real Friend?

You know that song... Make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the others gold?

When I was little I thought it meant that new friends are better than old friends. Clearly I know now that that is not necessarily true. Later I took it to mean that some friends are better than others, the better ones being the gold. Over the years, I've learned that many of my friends prefer silver over gold (with regards to jewlrey) so I wonder if I was confused about which was best all along.

Recently, I've been struggling a lot with some of my relationships with people who I have considered my friends for the last couple years. In reflecting about it and discussing this issue with the limited people who have been there over the years, I have come to the discovery that I really don't know who is my friend. I've come to the conclusion that I have some very very good people in my life, but I don't know if they all are my friends. This scares and saddens me.

I feel like is a friend is someone who you confide and they confide in you. Most of my relationships are very one sided. I don't know how this happened or how to fix this. In addition, it amazes me how much people who I haven't been close with until fairly recently, will support me, and come to me for support, and of course just to be silly...where those people who I considered myself close with, share information with each other, or people I don't hang out with, but get upset when they don't know what's going on in my life. Or now they act funny because I've ceased being excited when I see them, because...I'm not. Why should I make people feel good, because I'm happy to see them, and they rarely if ever do that for me?

This is not to say, I'm not excited when I see them. But I've decided to work on me, and being happy, and being alert. So why expend energy I could use to better myself on people who don't really value me?

I'm done wasting my time on disrespectful, fairweather, people.

Done.

Little Known Fact About Me

I'm not going to lie...I've recieved some news that not only troubles me, it also pisses me off. So I'm going to let the few of you who take the time to read my blog know a little something about me most people fail to realize.

I'm am that crazy hyper positive person you're used to me being. I am lazy and like to have fun and usually try to avoid conflict at all times. I will also inform you that I'm a mean person on the inside and you'll crack up at my inappropriate criticisisms of others and sarcastic responses to unknowing acquaitances. However, rarely am I mean FOR REAL.

But if you push me to that limit...

IT WILL NOT BE PRETTY.

Currently...I'm at the edge of that precipice looking over...imagining all the damage I could do if I felt the urdge and desired the energy rush of taking that free fall. So be forewarned...

Those of you who remember the days when I used to hang with the Dragons at Dan McCarty...

Jay J, that mfjbd is about to make an appearance.

You've been warned.

Lent.

I give up my vices, to sacrifice for HIM. Got to focus on what's important.

Happy Ash Wednesday

For me:
No more potatoes
No more swearing

I should probably give something else up...I just can't think of anything good. We'll see.

Ode to Sleep Deprivation

I am currently sleep deprived. That is a fact. I know it...and it shows. I have not been on the top of my game, physically, mentally or emotionally. So, being the RA that I am I went to http://shs.wustl.edu/healthPromotion/sleep.htm to brush up on my knowledge of sleep and its importance. I thought I'd share. So here it is:


Sleep
Getting enough sleep not only contributes to how you feel and perform the next day, but also has a huge impact on the overall quality of your life. Sacrificing sleep means you are sacrificing your chance to live up to your fullest academic and creative potential.

What is sleep?
There is a lot going on in your body and your brain when you sleep. A typical night’s sleep occurs in 90 minute cycles of REM (rapid eye movement) sleep and non-REM sleep. Your pulse, breathing, and body temperature rise and fall during these cycles. Brain-waves are active during REM sleep and researchers believe that the brain takes care of important tasks involving learning and memory during this time.

Why is sleep so important?
Sleep is essential for good health, mental and emotional functioning, and safety. Research indicates that sleep loss impairs your ability to perform tasks involving memory, learning, and logical reasoning, which may contribute to unfulfilled potential at school and strained relationships. Insufficient sleep can also be extremely dangerous, leading to serious or even fatal accidents.

It should take you fewer than 30 minutes to fall asleep. Symptoms of insomnia include difficulty falling asleep, frequent awakenings, waking up too early and not being able to fall back asleep, and waking up feeling unrefreshed. Stress is the most common cause of insomnia.

How much sleep do you need?
Getting enough sleep refers to the amount of sleep you need to not feel sleepy the next day. Sleep experts generally recommend an average of 7-9 hours per night. If sleepiness interferes with or makes it difficult to do your daily activities, you probably need more sleep.
Sleep need is biological. Exactly how much sleep any individual needs is genetically determined. How can you determine what you need? Sleep until you wake on your own, without an alarm clock. If you feel rested, that is your sleep need.

If you’ve been having sleep problems for more than one week or if sleepiness interferes with the way you feel or function during the day, a doctor's help may be needed.

What about medications?
Over the counter (OTC) medications: You should discuss ANY sleep aid you are planning to take with your doctor. OTC sleep medicines usually contain antihistamines which may induce drowsiness that lasts into the next day. They can also interact with other medicines you may be taking.
Prescription medications: Your doctor may prescribe sleeping pills or tranquilizers for short term use under certain conditions, such as after the death of a loved one or other serious emotional trauma. However, risk of side effects and addiction are a concern with extended use of these medications. If you need long-term help in sleeping, talk to your doctor about other options.
Stimulants: The use of stimulants to stay awake is risky. Raised blood pressure, anxiety, dizziness, aggressive behavior, and irregular or rapid heart beat can result as a consequence. Using Adderall, Ritalin or other prescription stimulants for any reason other than their intended purpose, by someone other than the intended recipient, or in a dosage other than prescribed is dangerous. The possibility of drug interactions, rapid onset, and increased potency, make the misuse of stimulants highly dangerous.
Alcohol: Alcohol seems to accelerate falling asleep. However, it also disrupts normal sleep patterns and suppresses REM sleep, even when alcohol has been eliminated. Alcohol also makes it difficult to awaken, even if consumed in moderate amounts.
How can you take care of yourself?
Follow these tips for getting a good night’s sleep:

Be bland before bed. To fall asleep quickly, avoid caffeine, nicotine and alcohol in the evening.
Be predictable. Go to bed as close to the same time each night as possible, and build into your schedule enough time for 8 hours of sleep each night.
Establish a routine. Establishing a regular, relaxing bedtime routine will allow you to unwind and send a "signal" to your brain that it's time to sleep.
Notes on naps. If you anticipate a night with little sleep, take a nap beforehand to avoid sleep loss. But if you suffer from imsomnia, consider avoiding naps altogether.
Exercise regularly. And do so at least three hours before bed time.
Reduce stress. If you lie awake worrying about things you need to do, try “putting them away” by writing them down in a journal so you are free to sleep.
Save your bed for sleep. Avoid using your bed for anything other than sleep or sex.
Check your sleep environment. Make it as pleasant, comfortable, and quiet as you can. Most people sleep best in a cool, dark environment.
Keep your alarm clock out of sight. Do not “check the time” if you wake in the middle of the night. This often creates arousal and makes it more difficult to fall back asleep.
Grab a light snack. It can be hard to fall asleep if you’re hungry.
Never drive when you are tired. If you’re feeling tired while driving, pull off the road in a safe rest area and take a nap for 15-45 minutes. The best prevention for drowsy driving is a good night's sleep the night before your trip.
Where can you go for help?
Campus Experts
Student Health Services, 314.935.6666. For chronic sleep problems, you may want to consult with a psychiatrist for a medication evaluation.
On-Line Resources
National Sleep Foundation

Power Sleep

Harvard Division of Sleep Medicine
Where can you learn more?
Professional
Health Promotion Services, provides brochures and other resources. To request a sleep program, email Melissa Ruwitch, or call314.935.7139
Peer
Uncle Joe’s Peer Counseling and Resource Center, 314.935.5141. Call to request a program on sleep.