Sunday, February 21, 2010

What Makes a Real Friend?


You know that song... Make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the others gold?

When I was little I thought it meant that new friends are better than old friends. Clearly I know now that that is not necessarily true. Later I took it to mean that some friends are better than others, the better ones being the gold. Over the years, I've learned that many of my friends prefer silver over gold (with regards to jewlrey) so I wonder if I was confused about which was best all along.

Recently, I've been struggling a lot with some of my relationships with people who I have considered my friends for the last couple years. In reflecting about it and discussing this issue with the limited people who have been there over the years, I have come to the discovery that I really don't know who is my friend. I've come to the conclusion that I have some very very good people in my life, but I don't know if they all are my friends. This scares and saddens me.

I feel like is a friend is someone who you confide and they confide in you. Most of my relationships are very one sided. I don't know how this happened or how to fix this. In addition, it amazes me how much people who I haven't been close with until fairly recently, will support me, and come to me for support, and of course just to be silly...where those people who I considered myself close with, share information with each other, or people I don't hang out with, but get upset when they don't know what's going on in my life. Or now they act funny because I've ceased being excited when I see them, because...I'm not. Why should I make people feel good, because I'm happy to see them, and they rarely if ever do that for me?

This is not to say, I'm not excited when I see them. But I've decided to work on me, and being happy, and being alert. So why expend energy I could use to better myself on people who don't really value me?

I'm done wasting my time on disrespectful, fairweather, people.

Done.

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